I'm living the crazy wonderful.
Life is good.
Some ups, quite a few downs, but overall it's pretty epic.
Perhaps I should start writing more.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
Monday, July 6, 2009
REGARDING THE LAST POST...
Does anyone know how to make the pictures move around? I'd love to learn how to put certain text next to specific pictures...anyone? Thanks!!
Fourth Weeked...
Well this weekend…
Hm. What to say?
Aubricame up this weekend…Super fun. We hung out, goofed around,
I introduced her to Energy drinks, and generally, we just had a good time doing what we do.THINGS THAT I’VE LEARNED THIS WEEKEND:
1. There’s a reason that they’re EX BOYFRIENDS...It’s because they don’t deserve to be in our lives.
2. My friends are the best in the world. Period.
3. I’ve still got the Mayra’s Touch…Setting up couples? Easy cheesy.
4. Nothing can bring me down unless I allow it to.
5. Fourth Of July is NOT a good time to hang out with someone you haven’t spoken to in a few months.
6. Patience? A virtue…one I’ve yet to achieve.
Happy Fourth Of July!!
Saturday, June 27, 2009
NEVER thought I'd say this but...
Other than the heat, I'm glad to be home.
I missed my fam and knowing I'm only an hour away from them is so comforting.
I missed my Grandma and her insane amounts of lecturing.
I missed my old job WAY too much. Started today. WICKED fun.
I missed my friends. SUPER glad I kept in touch.
And I missed good ol' AZ heat. 104...what the effing dutch.
Okay so that last one was a blatant lie.
but I am SO glad to be home.
I missed my fam and knowing I'm only an hour away from them is so comforting.
I missed my Grandma and her insane amounts of lecturing.
I missed my old job WAY too much. Started today. WICKED fun.
I missed my friends. SUPER glad I kept in touch.
And I missed good ol' AZ heat. 104...what the effing dutch.
Okay so that last one was a blatant lie.
but I am SO glad to be home.
Friday, June 12, 2009
These are the days...
That I will remember for the rest of my life.
I love being in Cali and I love my friends here.
I miss my family so much!! I can't go home for the weekend like in college.
I can't just drive down for the day like in Mesa. I miss my folks like crazy.
But I know that this will ready me for when I am married and can't go home to my parents when there are problems with my sweetheart. Maybe someday I'll be able to just be more independent. This job is rough but I know that there is no way that I can quit.
I'm trying to keep the faith...just gotta keep praying.
I love being in Cali and I love my friends here.
I miss my family so much!! I can't go home for the weekend like in college.
I can't just drive down for the day like in Mesa. I miss my folks like crazy.
But I know that this will ready me for when I am married and can't go home to my parents when there are problems with my sweetheart. Maybe someday I'll be able to just be more independent. This job is rough but I know that there is no way that I can quit.
I'm trying to keep the faith...just gotta keep praying.
Thursday, June 4, 2009
California is...
-windy
-cold
-cloudy
-earthquake-y
-beautiful
-breathtaking
-incredible
-full of spectacular people
-alive.
I love it so much here! There is always something to do, I've already made TONS of friends, and I love how alive I feel!!!! I am so blessed. Life is difficult but there are so many beautiful parts to it. I get discouraged so easily but really, Life is wonderful. I can't hardly believe that this is my life sometimes. Money is tight, people can be terrible, and there are lots of things that can go wrong. But I have faith and I'm certain that my life is full and good and rich. I am blessed beyond measure. I love this world!!!!
-cold
-cloudy
-earthquake-y
-beautiful
-breathtaking
-incredible
-full of spectacular people
-alive.
I love it so much here! There is always something to do, I've already made TONS of friends, and I love how alive I feel!!!! I am so blessed. Life is difficult but there are so many beautiful parts to it. I get discouraged so easily but really, Life is wonderful. I can't hardly believe that this is my life sometimes. Money is tight, people can be terrible, and there are lots of things that can go wrong. But I have faith and I'm certain that my life is full and good and rich. I am blessed beyond measure. I love this world!!!!
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
Rising above it all..
So there have been a lot of incredibly hurtful things that have been said about me in the last few months...I've just been made aware of these hurtful comments, and at first, I will admit, I was crushed. How could he lie to me for so long, pretending he cared and that he was my friend, when secretly he couldn't stand me?! How could she profess to be my bestie, when she's spreading around awful things? How could they BOTH go behind my back?? It took a lot of time alone, a large amount of it in tears, to realize that I am better than to let it destroy me. I can decide...right now...to let it go. And I have. I have let it go. It still stings to think that two of my best friends (or the people I believed to be my best friends), could be so terribly hurtful to me and so damaging to my reputation. It still aches to know that I can never return to EAC because of the awful rumors and terrible lies spread about that have so damaged other's perceptions of who I am. But I am no longer angry. I will no longer cry or let it consume me. I have a good job. I have friends here, and I have friends from EAC. Joycie has always been a true friend. Ethan has always been a true friend. I have many true friends from EAC that will continue to hold special places in my life.
The afformentioned unnamed people are still important to me. They have both requested space. I will give them both what they want, however much it might hurt me to do so. I will miss you both. However, I understand and will comply to your requests. I'd like to say that I'm glad to see you both go, but that is a lie. I am not glad to lose your friendships. I've grown a lot because of both of you, I've become a stronger person, a better person, and I've learned so much from both of you. One of you mentioned that you didn't feel as though you had benefitted me in any way by being my friend. Let me now say that you are entirely wrong. I have gained so much from our friendship. We shared so much...it hurts that you would dismiss and disregard that so easily, but I cling to those memories. The picture of us still hangs on my wall and it will remain there, a sweet memory of a best friend. The trips that we took and the escapades and Ice-capades will be sweet recollections. Bushy Toilets and the inability to wait for nine miles will always make me smile. Every time I hear the word Foliage, I am required to laugh. I will not think about the negative aspects of our friendship when I think about you. What would the point of that be? There are a lot of negative things in life...but if we were to focus all our time and attention on those negative things, what a sad, angry world this would be!! I want to think about the positives of my life. There are a lot of bad things that have happened to me...A LOT...but I do not allow them to take over and control my actions.
So friends, for now, take care of yourselves. Remember that I do care for you both so very much. I forgive you for anything that may have been said, and beg your forgiveness for anything you feel that I have wronged you in. I pray that the silence between us will be able to heal wounds and that we will be able to become friends again.
To Quote one of you..."I need you to make me a promise. I need you to promise that no matter where lie takes you, no matter what this world throws at you that you will never lose your testimony of the truthfulness of the gospel. Promise me that you'll continue to go to church, that you'll marry in the temple, that you'll raise your children in the gospel, and that you'll never forget who you are and what you stand for. Eternity is a long time to be without my best friend." To her, I promise. I swore it then and I swear it now. During my darkest times in the recent past, I have clung to that promise that I had made to you months ago, promising myself that if not for my sake but for yours that I would do those things. I've slipped many times. I've made enormous mistakes, but I am certain that with time and the wonderful gift of the Atonement, that I will be able to uphold those promises. I urge you to promise those same things...if not to me, then to yourself. I do still love you, my friend. I always will and I pray for your safety and happiness.
To the other, I hope and pray that you will uphold your promise as well. I needn't write it here because you know exactly what I am talking about. Please cling to that promise, if not for yourself, then for your family, friends, and for me. I care about you so much. I always have and I always will. Please take care of yourself and do your best to find happiness in every situation that life may put you in.
Farewell for now, friends. I hope our distance is short and that the silence between us will soon be removed. But until then, Take care.
Love,
Mayra
The afformentioned unnamed people are still important to me. They have both requested space. I will give them both what they want, however much it might hurt me to do so. I will miss you both. However, I understand and will comply to your requests. I'd like to say that I'm glad to see you both go, but that is a lie. I am not glad to lose your friendships. I've grown a lot because of both of you, I've become a stronger person, a better person, and I've learned so much from both of you. One of you mentioned that you didn't feel as though you had benefitted me in any way by being my friend. Let me now say that you are entirely wrong. I have gained so much from our friendship. We shared so much...it hurts that you would dismiss and disregard that so easily, but I cling to those memories. The picture of us still hangs on my wall and it will remain there, a sweet memory of a best friend. The trips that we took and the escapades and Ice-capades will be sweet recollections. Bushy Toilets and the inability to wait for nine miles will always make me smile. Every time I hear the word Foliage, I am required to laugh. I will not think about the negative aspects of our friendship when I think about you. What would the point of that be? There are a lot of negative things in life...but if we were to focus all our time and attention on those negative things, what a sad, angry world this would be!! I want to think about the positives of my life. There are a lot of bad things that have happened to me...A LOT...but I do not allow them to take over and control my actions.
So friends, for now, take care of yourselves. Remember that I do care for you both so very much. I forgive you for anything that may have been said, and beg your forgiveness for anything you feel that I have wronged you in. I pray that the silence between us will be able to heal wounds and that we will be able to become friends again.
To Quote one of you..."I need you to make me a promise. I need you to promise that no matter where lie takes you, no matter what this world throws at you that you will never lose your testimony of the truthfulness of the gospel. Promise me that you'll continue to go to church, that you'll marry in the temple, that you'll raise your children in the gospel, and that you'll never forget who you are and what you stand for. Eternity is a long time to be without my best friend." To her, I promise. I swore it then and I swear it now. During my darkest times in the recent past, I have clung to that promise that I had made to you months ago, promising myself that if not for my sake but for yours that I would do those things. I've slipped many times. I've made enormous mistakes, but I am certain that with time and the wonderful gift of the Atonement, that I will be able to uphold those promises. I urge you to promise those same things...if not to me, then to yourself. I do still love you, my friend. I always will and I pray for your safety and happiness.
To the other, I hope and pray that you will uphold your promise as well. I needn't write it here because you know exactly what I am talking about. Please cling to that promise, if not for yourself, then for your family, friends, and for me. I care about you so much. I always have and I always will. Please take care of yourself and do your best to find happiness in every situation that life may put you in.
Farewell for now, friends. I hope our distance is short and that the silence between us will soon be removed. But until then, Take care.
Love,
Mayra
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Thursday, May 7, 2009
I like new ideas!
I've been following a lot of blogs lately, so I'm going to do a round of fives...
FIVE CONFESSIONS...
1. I am SO addicted to caffeine that it frightens me sometimes.
2. When I'm hanging out with some of the Guys, I try to pretend that we're married...or at least imagine what it would be like if we were....I never do anything really, just sorta imagine it to myself.
3. I swear a LOT more than I ought to.
4. I have a LONNNNNG way to go, but I am bound, set and determined to get married in the Temple.
5. I want to have a lot of kids, but I'm terrified of messing them up.
FIVE FAVORITES
1. Stars
2. Rain...singing in it, dancing in it, running around like mad in it...
3. Lilies of almost every kind
4. Hugs
5. Singing
FIVE PET PEEVES
1. People that think that one child is a handful...and put him/her on a leash
2. Rude people of any sort
3. People that completely disregard or ignore me when I'm doing my job....UGH how annoying!
4. People that shout at their crying children and yank them by the arm...CPS!!!!!!!
5. The fact that people don't spay/neuter their animals and then dump the newborn puppies or kittens...IRRESPONSIBLE!!!!!!!
FIVE FEARS
1. Dying old and alone
2. Losing my mind
3. Making left turns!!!
4. People I love getting hurt
5. Being bitten/stung by something venomous that will REALLLLLLY hurt
FIVE THINGS I AM VERY GRATEFUL FOR
1. My family
2. My religion, and my faith
3. The Atonement
4. Temples, and the work done therein
5. My friends
FIVE GOALS FOR THE FUTURE
1. Graduate college (this is a MUST!)
2. Get a Temple marriage (and continue on in the faith for-ev-errrrrr)
3. Finally get a book published
4. Maintain a clean house, establish a reading and prayer habit...
5. become successful in what I really want to do...whatever THAT is.
FIVE FAVORITE NAMES
1. Kendrick Alexander
2. Hailey Elizabeth
3. Aubri Michelle
4. Kristine Annaleise
5. Logan Elise
FIVE LESSONS I'VE LEARNED THE HARD WAY...
1. Make sure the safety lock on your pepper spray is working...it makes REALLY bad body spray...trust me.
2. Follow the warnings of the Spirit EVERY time...the FIRST TIME.
3. Your parents? They really do know what they're talking about. Pinky swear.
4. Don't expect people to pay you back...ever. If you do, you'll grow up bitter and resentful, and you'll hate people eventually. Consider anything you "loan" a gift to them.
5. Always...ALWAYS give compliments where they're due, learn to bite your tongue when there's a harsh word on the tip of it, and NEVER say "I hate you" to ANYONE, no matter how much you think you do. Cuz you don't and you WILL regret it.
Your turn!!!!!!!!
FIVE CONFESSIONS...
1. I am SO addicted to caffeine that it frightens me sometimes.
2. When I'm hanging out with some of the Guys, I try to pretend that we're married...or at least imagine what it would be like if we were....I never do anything really, just sorta imagine it to myself.
3. I swear a LOT more than I ought to.
4. I have a LONNNNNG way to go, but I am bound, set and determined to get married in the Temple.
5. I want to have a lot of kids, but I'm terrified of messing them up.
FIVE FAVORITES
1. Stars
2. Rain...singing in it, dancing in it, running around like mad in it...
3. Lilies of almost every kind
4. Hugs
5. Singing
FIVE PET PEEVES
1. People that think that one child is a handful...and put him/her on a leash
2. Rude people of any sort
3. People that completely disregard or ignore me when I'm doing my job....UGH how annoying!
4. People that shout at their crying children and yank them by the arm...CPS!!!!!!!
5. The fact that people don't spay/neuter their animals and then dump the newborn puppies or kittens...IRRESPONSIBLE!!!!!!!
FIVE FEARS
1. Dying old and alone
2. Losing my mind
3. Making left turns!!!
4. People I love getting hurt
5. Being bitten/stung by something venomous that will REALLLLLLY hurt
FIVE THINGS I AM VERY GRATEFUL FOR
1. My family
2. My religion, and my faith
3. The Atonement
4. Temples, and the work done therein
5. My friends
FIVE GOALS FOR THE FUTURE
1. Graduate college (this is a MUST!)
2. Get a Temple marriage (and continue on in the faith for-ev-errrrrr)
3. Finally get a book published
4. Maintain a clean house, establish a reading and prayer habit...
5. become successful in what I really want to do...whatever THAT is.
FIVE FAVORITE NAMES
1. Kendrick Alexander
2. Hailey Elizabeth
3. Aubri Michelle
4. Kristine Annaleise
5. Logan Elise
FIVE LESSONS I'VE LEARNED THE HARD WAY...
1. Make sure the safety lock on your pepper spray is working...it makes REALLY bad body spray...trust me.
2. Follow the warnings of the Spirit EVERY time...the FIRST TIME.
3. Your parents? They really do know what they're talking about. Pinky swear.
4. Don't expect people to pay you back...ever. If you do, you'll grow up bitter and resentful, and you'll hate people eventually. Consider anything you "loan" a gift to them.
5. Always...ALWAYS give compliments where they're due, learn to bite your tongue when there's a harsh word on the tip of it, and NEVER say "I hate you" to ANYONE, no matter how much you think you do. Cuz you don't and you WILL regret it.
Your turn!!!!!!!!
Friday, May 1, 2009
posted on Facebook after many hurtful comments were made regarding my move...
Well. Further Clarification is in order, mainly because of how rude people have been regarding my moving.
It's not any of their business, but I don't want people to talk about me unless they've got the whole story first.
1. I am moving to Anaheim, California on May 12th.
2. It's because I have a job up there.
3. It's with ADT Home Security systems, and I will be selling door-to-door
4. They'll be paying for me to move up there, as well as my apartment.
5. It's a summer job, meaning I will unfortunately be moving back to Arizona in August.
6. More than likely, I will be returning to EAC in the fall. That's one good thing about coming back.
7. I want to spend a semester or two there, and then go to BYU-I.
Now, if it's all the same to you guys, I'd appreciate it if you were either supportive of my choices, or that you would just keep your mouths shut about it. Simply put, I will not tolerate being spoken to condescendingly. I am not a flake, and I have gone about this prayerfully and I don't want the feelings I've had regarding this move questioned. Yes, I have felt the assurance that I am doing the right thing. I've moved around quite a bit in the last year, admittedly, and to someone who doesn't understand (or who won't listen to my reasonings), it looks like I can't keep my feet on the ground. It's really nobody's business but my own, and I would absolutely LOVE to not have to explain myself to every person that I encounter.
To sum things up,
If I haven't told you about it, it's either because I haven't gotten to it yet,
I don't WANT to tell you because I know that you'll be negative,
or because I don't feel the need to explain myself to you.
Thanks for reading, please forgive me if I've offended you, and please understand my reasoning and logic.
Whew.
NOTE: Some of the comments that I received...notice that this is just a very few of them. Didn't know I meant enough to people for them to constantly criticize every single thing that I do.
"Wow you sure move around a lot."
"When are you coming back...cuz I know this won't last long."
"We've made bets...the longest we think you'll stay out there is 2 weeks"
"Man,when are you going to stop being a flake?"
"There's a boy there, huh? I bet that's why you're moving."
"Is the job the ONLY reason you're going? Bet there's a boy up there."
"You know, guys don't really like girls that are as indecisive. it's quite a turn off."
"All this moving around makes you look stupid."
"You'll never find a husband if you don't stay in one place long enough to meet people."
Thanks, to all who've made those comments. It makes me even more determined to leave you behind. And furthermore, I feel a small triumph knowing that I'm getting out of this horrible state and you're stuck. Jealous much? I know that a lot of the people that are the most cruel and least supportive are the ones that crave my feather-complex. I'm part Gypsy, Part RSS, and Part awesome. And you wish you could do what I do. XP
I know what I'm doing is right, as I said, and I'm not asking anyone for their input any more. I've got my own road, I'm proud of myself, and I know that I'm on the right path.
ON ANOTHER NOTE,
Thanks to everyone that really HAS been supportive. I really appreciate that you really do love and care about me. Words cannot express my gratitude to you. It helps me to have faith in myself. You guys are AWESOME!
It's not any of their business, but I don't want people to talk about me unless they've got the whole story first.
1. I am moving to Anaheim, California on May 12th.
2. It's because I have a job up there.
3. It's with ADT Home Security systems, and I will be selling door-to-door
4. They'll be paying for me to move up there, as well as my apartment.
5. It's a summer job, meaning I will unfortunately be moving back to Arizona in August.
6. More than likely, I will be returning to EAC in the fall. That's one good thing about coming back.
7. I want to spend a semester or two there, and then go to BYU-I.
Now, if it's all the same to you guys, I'd appreciate it if you were either supportive of my choices, or that you would just keep your mouths shut about it. Simply put, I will not tolerate being spoken to condescendingly. I am not a flake, and I have gone about this prayerfully and I don't want the feelings I've had regarding this move questioned. Yes, I have felt the assurance that I am doing the right thing. I've moved around quite a bit in the last year, admittedly, and to someone who doesn't understand (or who won't listen to my reasonings), it looks like I can't keep my feet on the ground. It's really nobody's business but my own, and I would absolutely LOVE to not have to explain myself to every person that I encounter.
To sum things up,
If I haven't told you about it, it's either because I haven't gotten to it yet,
I don't WANT to tell you because I know that you'll be negative,
or because I don't feel the need to explain myself to you.
Thanks for reading, please forgive me if I've offended you, and please understand my reasoning and logic.
Whew.
NOTE: Some of the comments that I received...notice that this is just a very few of them. Didn't know I meant enough to people for them to constantly criticize every single thing that I do.
"Wow you sure move around a lot."
"When are you coming back...cuz I know this won't last long."
"We've made bets...the longest we think you'll stay out there is 2 weeks"
"Man,when are you going to stop being a flake?"
"There's a boy there, huh? I bet that's why you're moving."
"Is the job the ONLY reason you're going? Bet there's a boy up there."
"You know, guys don't really like girls that are as indecisive. it's quite a turn off."
"All this moving around makes you look stupid."
"You'll never find a husband if you don't stay in one place long enough to meet people."
Thanks, to all who've made those comments. It makes me even more determined to leave you behind. And furthermore, I feel a small triumph knowing that I'm getting out of this horrible state and you're stuck. Jealous much? I know that a lot of the people that are the most cruel and least supportive are the ones that crave my feather-complex. I'm part Gypsy, Part RSS, and Part awesome. And you wish you could do what I do. XP
I know what I'm doing is right, as I said, and I'm not asking anyone for their input any more. I've got my own road, I'm proud of myself, and I know that I'm on the right path.
ON ANOTHER NOTE,
Thanks to everyone that really HAS been supportive. I really appreciate that you really do love and care about me. Words cannot express my gratitude to you. It helps me to have faith in myself. You guys are AWESOME!
Oh, my. I ought to change the title of my blog to "Thoghts of a Flake"
SO.
After much prayer, fasting, and counsel from people I trust, I decided not to go to Utah. I prayed that the Lord would provide, and had faith that he would.
Well.
I was offered a VERY promising job in California...Anaheim to be exact.
They're paying for my housing, my move up there, transportation...etc.
I am THRILLED. There is no other way to explain how I feel. Peaceful, happy...I know that this is what I am supposed to be doing.
I will be moving to California on either the 11th or the 12 of May, which is in two weeks.
I've never been so excited before in my life. And it's not anything that I've worried about. I have complete faith that this will work. I know it will!
I love the Gospel!!!!!
After much prayer, fasting, and counsel from people I trust, I decided not to go to Utah. I prayed that the Lord would provide, and had faith that he would.
Well.
I was offered a VERY promising job in California...Anaheim to be exact.
They're paying for my housing, my move up there, transportation...etc.
I am THRILLED. There is no other way to explain how I feel. Peaceful, happy...I know that this is what I am supposed to be doing.
I will be moving to California on either the 11th or the 12 of May, which is in two weeks.
I've never been so excited before in my life. And it's not anything that I've worried about. I have complete faith that this will work. I know it will!
I love the Gospel!!!!!
Thursday, April 16, 2009
I sure am blessed!!!
So last night, a little over 24 hours ago, I was in a car accident.
I was hit head on while making a left turn by a woman who didn't have her lights on.
I didn't see anyone for nearly a quarter mile, and I was stopped completely, and she hit me going forty five.
I was wearing my seatbelt. I have the most unladylike bruises....
EXTENT OF INJURIES:
massive internal bruising, bruised ribs, bruised sternum, bruised legs and torso
and a very sore body from that danged board. I can walk but it hurts, and breathing is pretty exhausting as well.
BUT.
I am SO blessed. The other driver walked away unharmed, and I walked out of the hospital.
I went to see the car today. I'm SO grateful that there was nobody riding with me. the engine is pretty much sitting on the passenger side seat. I had to break into the trunk to get stuff out. But I am super blessed. I am alive, and I'm going to be just fine.
The Lord has spared me countless times. I have almost died in many ways and many circumstances. To me, that's a testimony of the fact that I have a plan that I need to work hard to fulfill here first. I don't know what it is, but I'm certain I will find out.
I was hit head on while making a left turn by a woman who didn't have her lights on.
I didn't see anyone for nearly a quarter mile, and I was stopped completely, and she hit me going forty five.
I was wearing my seatbelt. I have the most unladylike bruises....
EXTENT OF INJURIES:
massive internal bruising, bruised ribs, bruised sternum, bruised legs and torso
and a very sore body from that danged board. I can walk but it hurts, and breathing is pretty exhausting as well.
BUT.
I am SO blessed. The other driver walked away unharmed, and I walked out of the hospital.
I went to see the car today. I'm SO grateful that there was nobody riding with me. the engine is pretty much sitting on the passenger side seat. I had to break into the trunk to get stuff out. But I am super blessed. I am alive, and I'm going to be just fine.
The Lord has spared me countless times. I have almost died in many ways and many circumstances. To me, that's a testimony of the fact that I have a plan that I need to work hard to fulfill here first. I don't know what it is, but I'm certain I will find out.
Friday, April 3, 2009
Good Gravy. AGAIN?!?!
I have a boyfriend again. I keep doing this to myself. I suppose this means that I’m still not comfortable in my own skin. The boys that I date are below me for the most part. I know that, and yet I continue to allow myself to be kissed and touched, feigning attraction when I know that it is only a matter of time before things turn sour. I don’t really want to be with the people I spend time around. I know that I ought to be going to church functions. I should be associating with people that are LDS, spending time with those that I know could potentially take me to the temple.
Perhaps the reason that I’m so hesitant to do so is because I’m secretly afraid that I will really fall in love. The boys that I spend time with are safe. I don’t have to worry about falling in love. And even if I were to fall in love, I can just pull out my Mormon card and end things. This is my safety net. With the boys that I am with now, I don’t have to worry about being hurt. I can end things and move on. Mormon boys have the potential to destroy me. I am not willing to allow that.
Someday, I will date the type of guys that I truly want to date….Strong, handsome, tall and open. They won’t WANT to kiss me on the first date, or even the second or third. They’ll appreciate who I am and who I dream of becoming. Someday I will find one such individual in particular. He’ll stand out above the rest and be better than my wildest imaginations. He’ll make me laugh and inspire me to dream. He’ll want me to pursue my passions and allow me room to grow and soar. And we will be the happiest couple the world has ever known. He won’t want to dominate or push me around. I will be his equal and there will be no leaders or followers. I want to find him so badly, and it frightens me to think that perhaps he’s already out there looking for me, and he sees me holding hands with these guys that I feign attraction to and gets discouraged.
Hold on, My Someone! Don’t allow my childish antics and Post-High School-High School relationships to dissuade you from trying! Please keep the faith and hold on…for both of us. I’ll need your strength so much in the next few years. Be strong for me. Because at the moment, I’m nowhere near you in strength.
Perhaps the reason that I’m so hesitant to do so is because I’m secretly afraid that I will really fall in love. The boys that I spend time with are safe. I don’t have to worry about falling in love. And even if I were to fall in love, I can just pull out my Mormon card and end things. This is my safety net. With the boys that I am with now, I don’t have to worry about being hurt. I can end things and move on. Mormon boys have the potential to destroy me. I am not willing to allow that.
Someday, I will date the type of guys that I truly want to date….Strong, handsome, tall and open. They won’t WANT to kiss me on the first date, or even the second or third. They’ll appreciate who I am and who I dream of becoming. Someday I will find one such individual in particular. He’ll stand out above the rest and be better than my wildest imaginations. He’ll make me laugh and inspire me to dream. He’ll want me to pursue my passions and allow me room to grow and soar. And we will be the happiest couple the world has ever known. He won’t want to dominate or push me around. I will be his equal and there will be no leaders or followers. I want to find him so badly, and it frightens me to think that perhaps he’s already out there looking for me, and he sees me holding hands with these guys that I feign attraction to and gets discouraged.
Hold on, My Someone! Don’t allow my childish antics and Post-High School-High School relationships to dissuade you from trying! Please keep the faith and hold on…for both of us. I’ll need your strength so much in the next few years. Be strong for me. Because at the moment, I’m nowhere near you in strength.
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Hi there!
Well I haven't written in quite a while. Things are going very well. I have a new job...Ultimately, it's the same job I had before, except with more hours, a little less pay, better people, and a lot more fun.
I'm going to brag for just a few seconds....
I've done astonishingly well for the last week.
Our percentages are meant to be VERRRY low. I guess it's the work accomplished to time spent accomplishing said work ratio or something similar. Production rate I suppose.
thirty is average.
Twenty is exceptional and people rarely make that low.
In the last week, I got 17.87 which is unheard of.
It was good both for my ego and for the guys who were slacking a little, because they worked extra hard, if not just to beat me. Yesterday, we did VERY well. I think I did seventeen or eighteen surveys, if not more. They were a blast. I love days that just zoom by because I am so busy!!!
I'm going to brag for just a few seconds....
I've done astonishingly well for the last week.
Our percentages are meant to be VERRRY low. I guess it's the work accomplished to time spent accomplishing said work ratio or something similar. Production rate I suppose.
thirty is average.
Twenty is exceptional and people rarely make that low.
In the last week, I got 17.87 which is unheard of.
It was good both for my ego and for the guys who were slacking a little, because they worked extra hard, if not just to beat me. Yesterday, we did VERY well. I think I did seventeen or eighteen surveys, if not more. They were a blast. I love days that just zoom by because I am so busy!!!
Saturday, March 21, 2009
NUMERO SIXTY!
So since this is the sixtieth blog, I figured that I would write sixty things about the Mayralicious that we all know and love.
1. I know that i am a daughter of Heavenly Father. He loves me and I am blessed. I have been given so many talents and I am trying hard to utilize them.
2. I love to sing. I love music and singing and the joy that it brings to me.
3. I actually stopped singing for almost two years and it was TERRIBLE. But I think that i needed it to realize just how important it is to my life.
4. I want to be in college SOOOO badly right now. I wasted a whole semester and I kick myself every time I hear about people that are in college.
5. I love to write in journals but I procrastinate and don't get around to it.
6. I also LOVE to write letters. At one time, I had pen pals in three states and four different countries.
7. I love receiving letters almost more than sending them out.
8. I love my family a whole bunch...even though we fight, we're messy and loud, and my neighbor down the street once commented that he wasn't sure just how many people REALLY were living there because he'd seen about thirty people or so that were "re-occuring Characters" in our crazy lives.
9. I'm adopted. Sometimes I wonder about my birth family but then I remember how great my REAL family is and I'm totally happy with what I've been given =]
10. I want to find a fairy-tale romance, but I would HATE to be a wimpy princess. Snow white?! SLEPT. Sleeping Beauty? Self-explanatory. Even Cinderella had someone take care of her. I'd rather be like Mulan or Pocahontas.
11. I want to be married in the Temple and I will settle for nothing less.
12. I'm pretty self-conscious at times but I know that I'm pretty most days so it's all good. I also try to be as friendly and awesome as possible. That makes up for all the things I'm insecure about.
13. I LOOOOOVE to help people.
14. I ABSOLUTELY ADORE setting up couples. Call me Hitch. Or Yenta! Right? Of Course Right!!
15. I love to laugh and I try to keep humor alive. Nearly everything can be helped a little with humor.
16. I want a dog VERY badly.
17. I'm addicted to caffeine, texting, and my computer.
18. I love to do crafts....Crochet, painting, even coloring with Crayons.
19. I love making lists.
20. I use the word Love waaaaayyy too often.
21. I discovered that I am allergic to dust. Dang.
22. I secretly adore cleaning.
23. But I HATE doing laundry!!!!
24. I write about really deep stuff and then get nervous because of how deep it is so I start talking about cats.
25. I'm a voracious reader.
26. I have workaholic tendencies so I try to be verrrry careful. I can literally make myself sick from over-working myself.
27. Secretly, I'm still a little bit afraid of Eggs....and fish.
28. I'm not afraid of much else. Which is ridiculous.
29. I want to be a mommy really badly....and then I hear all the REALLY whiny kids misbehaving in the mall or Wal*Mart and two things go through my head....One, I'm SOOOO grateful that my Mom was very strict and never allowed temper tantrums in public, and two, "Wow I'm glad I don't have kids yet!!!"
30. MY mother is the best in the whole world. Just so you know.
31. I wanted to Marry the most patient guy in the world, but there are two that I know that are competing for the same spot and they're both taken...My dad, and My Grandpa Halcomb, who is BY FAR the most patient person I've ever met in my LIFE!!!
32. I have RSS. Which is a self-diagnosed illness that is properly called Restless Soul Syndrome. It means that I've got to move around because I'm a glove and my Spirit goes crazy at night if I stay still for too long. I have to be walking or pacing or driving. I have a whole vignette about it but it's too lengthy to go into here.
33. I LOVE to write. I write poetry and short vignettes and I want to be a REAL writer someday.
34. I'm almost nineteen and I still really haven't made a concrete decision as to what I want to do with my life.
35. I have a job that drives me up the wall.
36. My favorite smells are: Freshly baked bread (especially Gingerbread!!), Arizona Rains, Men's Cologne (when worn in small doses), and for some odd reason, Gasoline.
37. My favorite colors are Green, purple, and Blue.
38. I know that most people HATE living in an apartment, but I REALLY want to live in one. I'm sure I'll feel differently when I actually do live in one, but I LOVED the dorms.
39. I have my whole life planned out and it's really funny cuz I write out a "Life Plan" about once a year and I go back and read them and almost die laughing. Every single time, I have a different opinion about who I want to marry.
40. I adore going on dates.
41. It always impresses me when a guy asks me out or for my number. That takes guts. Even if I'm not terribly interested, I almost always say yes because I really admire their bravery. That sounds sorta vain....wait....
42. It also really impresses me when a guy goes out of his way to do something interesting or different for a date or for asking for one.
43. I've been proposed to WAAAYYY too many times. But when the Right Guy asks me, I'll tell him I said no to all the others because I just KNEW that he would be coming.
44. I'm secretly terrified that I may never get married. I know it's an illogical fear. But I'm still afraid.
45. I love watching spooky movies...Especially old ones. The newer ones are either too gory or they throw in a lot of immorality.
46. I get distracted VERY easily.
47. I want to be a better Scrapbooker but I don't have the time, money, or Materials.
48. I LOVE making blankets for other people.
49. I push the snooze button about eight times, so I have to set my alarm like an hour and a half earlier than I really need to get up.
50. I take a LOT of pictures, but I'm not a very photogenic person in my opinion.
51. To compensate for that lack of photogenicity(is that a word?!), I take a LOT of goofy pictures.
52. I know next to nothing about taxes and I worry about having to deal with them every year for the rest of my life.
53. I realized that I am an adult...and it sorta scared me.
54. My friends are the best! They mean the whole world to me, and I would do ANYTHING for them!!
55. I have NO inhibitions about going up to people and introducing myself. That could probably get me into trouble someday.
56. I LOVE pickles!
57. I've started working out and it's difficult but I'm already seeing results!!
58. I act very goofy and ditzy, but I am a very intelligent person. I have been blessed with a sound and good mind and the ability to learn. And I am SO grateful for that.
59. I'm a very bubbly, warm person and as much as I talk, I'm also a WONDERFUL listener. And I give pretty good advice too.
60. I actually really enjoyed doing this!! You should write sixty things about yourself too!!!!
<3 <3 <3 Mayralicious!!!!
1. I know that i am a daughter of Heavenly Father. He loves me and I am blessed. I have been given so many talents and I am trying hard to utilize them.
2. I love to sing. I love music and singing and the joy that it brings to me.
3. I actually stopped singing for almost two years and it was TERRIBLE. But I think that i needed it to realize just how important it is to my life.
4. I want to be in college SOOOO badly right now. I wasted a whole semester and I kick myself every time I hear about people that are in college.
5. I love to write in journals but I procrastinate and don't get around to it.
6. I also LOVE to write letters. At one time, I had pen pals in three states and four different countries.
7. I love receiving letters almost more than sending them out.
8. I love my family a whole bunch...even though we fight, we're messy and loud, and my neighbor down the street once commented that he wasn't sure just how many people REALLY were living there because he'd seen about thirty people or so that were "re-occuring Characters" in our crazy lives.
9. I'm adopted. Sometimes I wonder about my birth family but then I remember how great my REAL family is and I'm totally happy with what I've been given =]
10. I want to find a fairy-tale romance, but I would HATE to be a wimpy princess. Snow white?! SLEPT. Sleeping Beauty? Self-explanatory. Even Cinderella had someone take care of her. I'd rather be like Mulan or Pocahontas.
11. I want to be married in the Temple and I will settle for nothing less.
12. I'm pretty self-conscious at times but I know that I'm pretty most days so it's all good. I also try to be as friendly and awesome as possible. That makes up for all the things I'm insecure about.
13. I LOOOOOVE to help people.
14. I ABSOLUTELY ADORE setting up couples. Call me Hitch. Or Yenta! Right? Of Course Right!!
15. I love to laugh and I try to keep humor alive. Nearly everything can be helped a little with humor.
16. I want a dog VERY badly.
17. I'm addicted to caffeine, texting, and my computer.
18. I love to do crafts....Crochet, painting, even coloring with Crayons.
19. I love making lists.
20. I use the word Love waaaaayyy too often.
21. I discovered that I am allergic to dust. Dang.
22. I secretly adore cleaning.
23. But I HATE doing laundry!!!!
24. I write about really deep stuff and then get nervous because of how deep it is so I start talking about cats.
25. I'm a voracious reader.
26. I have workaholic tendencies so I try to be verrrry careful. I can literally make myself sick from over-working myself.
27. Secretly, I'm still a little bit afraid of Eggs....and fish.
28. I'm not afraid of much else. Which is ridiculous.
29. I want to be a mommy really badly....and then I hear all the REALLY whiny kids misbehaving in the mall or Wal*Mart and two things go through my head....One, I'm SOOOO grateful that my Mom was very strict and never allowed temper tantrums in public, and two, "Wow I'm glad I don't have kids yet!!!"
30. MY mother is the best in the whole world. Just so you know.
31. I wanted to Marry the most patient guy in the world, but there are two that I know that are competing for the same spot and they're both taken...My dad, and My Grandpa Halcomb, who is BY FAR the most patient person I've ever met in my LIFE!!!
32. I have RSS. Which is a self-diagnosed illness that is properly called Restless Soul Syndrome. It means that I've got to move around because I'm a glove and my Spirit goes crazy at night if I stay still for too long. I have to be walking or pacing or driving. I have a whole vignette about it but it's too lengthy to go into here.
33. I LOVE to write. I write poetry and short vignettes and I want to be a REAL writer someday.
34. I'm almost nineteen and I still really haven't made a concrete decision as to what I want to do with my life.
35. I have a job that drives me up the wall.
36. My favorite smells are: Freshly baked bread (especially Gingerbread!!), Arizona Rains, Men's Cologne (when worn in small doses), and for some odd reason, Gasoline.
37. My favorite colors are Green, purple, and Blue.
38. I know that most people HATE living in an apartment, but I REALLY want to live in one. I'm sure I'll feel differently when I actually do live in one, but I LOVED the dorms.
39. I have my whole life planned out and it's really funny cuz I write out a "Life Plan" about once a year and I go back and read them and almost die laughing. Every single time, I have a different opinion about who I want to marry.
40. I adore going on dates.
41. It always impresses me when a guy asks me out or for my number. That takes guts. Even if I'm not terribly interested, I almost always say yes because I really admire their bravery. That sounds sorta vain....wait....
42. It also really impresses me when a guy goes out of his way to do something interesting or different for a date or for asking for one.
43. I've been proposed to WAAAYYY too many times. But when the Right Guy asks me, I'll tell him I said no to all the others because I just KNEW that he would be coming.
44. I'm secretly terrified that I may never get married. I know it's an illogical fear. But I'm still afraid.
45. I love watching spooky movies...Especially old ones. The newer ones are either too gory or they throw in a lot of immorality.
46. I get distracted VERY easily.
47. I want to be a better Scrapbooker but I don't have the time, money, or Materials.
48. I LOVE making blankets for other people.
49. I push the snooze button about eight times, so I have to set my alarm like an hour and a half earlier than I really need to get up.
50. I take a LOT of pictures, but I'm not a very photogenic person in my opinion.
51. To compensate for that lack of photogenicity(is that a word?!), I take a LOT of goofy pictures.
52. I know next to nothing about taxes and I worry about having to deal with them every year for the rest of my life.
53. I realized that I am an adult...and it sorta scared me.
54. My friends are the best! They mean the whole world to me, and I would do ANYTHING for them!!
55. I have NO inhibitions about going up to people and introducing myself. That could probably get me into trouble someday.
56. I LOVE pickles!
57. I've started working out and it's difficult but I'm already seeing results!!
58. I act very goofy and ditzy, but I am a very intelligent person. I have been blessed with a sound and good mind and the ability to learn. And I am SO grateful for that.
59. I'm a very bubbly, warm person and as much as I talk, I'm also a WONDERFUL listener. And I give pretty good advice too.
60. I actually really enjoyed doing this!! You should write sixty things about yourself too!!!!
<3 <3 <3 Mayralicious!!!!
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Incredibly long. Terribly honest. And totally painful.
I CONSTANTLY feel like an annoyance to people. It’s disgusting that I spend the majority of my time solving EVERYONE ELSE’S problems, and when I need someone, they’re all too busy or don’t feel like listening to me. I feel like a waste of time to them. But as SOON as they need someone, I allow myself to be used over and over again.
Why Can’t I just say no? Why can’t I just let them deal with it on their own?! I call, upset, and trying to vent, and I get an earful of their problems or I get dismissed, because they are “Too Busy” right now. Once…Just once I would LOVE to do that to someone and not feel guilty. Just once I would LOVE to say, “Sorry, I’m far too busy right now to listen to you bitch and bellyache,” and then hang up. I’d LOVE to return the favor that nearly all of them have bestowed upon me.
I spent countless hours during college in the hospital with ill friends. I don’t mind. Really I don’t. But I came to the realization the other night that were I to get hurt or become seriously ill that nobody would return the favor. No one would go out of their way to spend the night with ME in the hospital so that I won’t have to be alone. No one would bring balloons or sneak ME salt. I hate being the person that everyone comes to for resolution. I despise it sometimes.
I have had countless people cry on my shoulders. I have lifted them, encouraged them, argued and suggested and complimented and helped. I have allowed them to just cry. I tell them that it’s good to let it out and cry. There isn’t a need to be tough. Go ahead and do it. And they do. They wail and weep and mourn and I mourn with them. I take their problems onto myself and push my own back into a corner, one that is slowly spreading out and filling my entire mind. Just once, I would LOVE to be the one that falls apart. I want to be the one that is crying and being held and comforted. I want to have someone tell ME that it’s all right to cry. I don’t need to be tough.
I have woken up so many times in the middle of the night to answer my phone. I work to ebb their pains and allow them a salve that I KNOW would not be offered to me. I answer, trying to disguise my sleepiness and struggle to stay awake and solve their problems. I listen to them, offer advice, and let them take away from the sleep that my body craves. Just once I would LOVE to be able to call someone in anguish and have them listen to me, offer me a balm for my wounded heart, and try their best to help me fix my problems.
I have given people my lap…It’s a silly thing that I do where a friend sits on my lap or puts a leg onto my lap and I focus everything on them. I let them sit there and vent. Rub their arms, hold their hands and hug them, letting them know that they are loved and important and that I am there for them. And JUST ONCE I want to sit on someone else’s lap. I want to feel their hands on my shoulder, I want to feel them hold MY hands and let me rest my head on their shoulder and wet their shirts with my tears. I want to be able to just let down every single wall that I have built up…I have more layers around my heart than the earth itself has. I have built up so many walls that they’ve become impregnable…nothing goes out anymore. I have knocked down other’s walls. Brought them back to emotion and helped them to feel again. I want to be able to have someone that I don’t have to be afraid of. I want someone to knock down MY walls and tenderly show me that things will be okay.
But no one ever has. I don’t cry on people’s shoulders. I don’t call them in the middle of the night. I don’t sit on their laps or let them touch my walls. I don’t vent or cry or weep. I bite my lip, swallow my tears, and keep shoving those issues back into the corner. I feel like I’m falling apart inside. I feel like my whole life is one big joke, and all I can do is smile and be politically correct when others ask how I am. “Oh, just fine. I’m epic.” What a laugh. I stopped saying ‘good’ and started saying ‘epic’ when I knew that it was an easy way to be honest without making people uncomfortable. I don’t have to tell people that Epic means AWFUL or TERRIBLE or HEARTBREAKING. They just laugh at the absurdity of the word and move on to the next subject.
I’m so tired of being strong. I don’t want to be tough. I’m a total hypocrite and I hate it. I want to be able to take my own advice and let things out but I can’t. I just can’t. I bottle them up and even lied to my Shrink….claiming I’m fine and smiling through a lie, claiming that I don’t let people take advantage of me anymore and that I don’t feel their emotions any longer. But I still do. I still feel their frustration and pain and anger and it’s meshed with my own and I feel everything and it’s getting to the point that I can’t handle it.
I have a boyfriend that I don’t want to complain to. I wish that I could use his shoulder. I wish I could call and cry and not feel guilty or needy. I just want to be emotional and sad and allow him to let me cry. I try but for some reason, I just can’t. I can’t call him in the middle of the night because he’s a very busy individual. I need to let him have his rest and just be the piece of background furniture. I hate that so much! I want to BE important to someone. I want to be someone’s SOMEONE. I want them to WANT me to tell them my problems.
I’m so exhausted right now because of all this. Some days I drive by the airport, tempted beyond belief to just hop onto a plane going ANYWHERE and start all over again. Become a nameless person that can just have a fresh start. I want to be able to forget everything here and just be a loner. Just for a while.
There is so much more that I want to say. But just like everything else in this very long dialogue, I just can’t.
I just can’t.
Why Can’t I just say no? Why can’t I just let them deal with it on their own?! I call, upset, and trying to vent, and I get an earful of their problems or I get dismissed, because they are “Too Busy” right now. Once…Just once I would LOVE to do that to someone and not feel guilty. Just once I would LOVE to say, “Sorry, I’m far too busy right now to listen to you bitch and bellyache,” and then hang up. I’d LOVE to return the favor that nearly all of them have bestowed upon me.
I spent countless hours during college in the hospital with ill friends. I don’t mind. Really I don’t. But I came to the realization the other night that were I to get hurt or become seriously ill that nobody would return the favor. No one would go out of their way to spend the night with ME in the hospital so that I won’t have to be alone. No one would bring balloons or sneak ME salt. I hate being the person that everyone comes to for resolution. I despise it sometimes.
I have had countless people cry on my shoulders. I have lifted them, encouraged them, argued and suggested and complimented and helped. I have allowed them to just cry. I tell them that it’s good to let it out and cry. There isn’t a need to be tough. Go ahead and do it. And they do. They wail and weep and mourn and I mourn with them. I take their problems onto myself and push my own back into a corner, one that is slowly spreading out and filling my entire mind. Just once, I would LOVE to be the one that falls apart. I want to be the one that is crying and being held and comforted. I want to have someone tell ME that it’s all right to cry. I don’t need to be tough.
I have woken up so many times in the middle of the night to answer my phone. I work to ebb their pains and allow them a salve that I KNOW would not be offered to me. I answer, trying to disguise my sleepiness and struggle to stay awake and solve their problems. I listen to them, offer advice, and let them take away from the sleep that my body craves. Just once I would LOVE to be able to call someone in anguish and have them listen to me, offer me a balm for my wounded heart, and try their best to help me fix my problems.
I have given people my lap…It’s a silly thing that I do where a friend sits on my lap or puts a leg onto my lap and I focus everything on them. I let them sit there and vent. Rub their arms, hold their hands and hug them, letting them know that they are loved and important and that I am there for them. And JUST ONCE I want to sit on someone else’s lap. I want to feel their hands on my shoulder, I want to feel them hold MY hands and let me rest my head on their shoulder and wet their shirts with my tears. I want to be able to just let down every single wall that I have built up…I have more layers around my heart than the earth itself has. I have built up so many walls that they’ve become impregnable…nothing goes out anymore. I have knocked down other’s walls. Brought them back to emotion and helped them to feel again. I want to be able to have someone that I don’t have to be afraid of. I want someone to knock down MY walls and tenderly show me that things will be okay.
But no one ever has. I don’t cry on people’s shoulders. I don’t call them in the middle of the night. I don’t sit on their laps or let them touch my walls. I don’t vent or cry or weep. I bite my lip, swallow my tears, and keep shoving those issues back into the corner. I feel like I’m falling apart inside. I feel like my whole life is one big joke, and all I can do is smile and be politically correct when others ask how I am. “Oh, just fine. I’m epic.” What a laugh. I stopped saying ‘good’ and started saying ‘epic’ when I knew that it was an easy way to be honest without making people uncomfortable. I don’t have to tell people that Epic means AWFUL or TERRIBLE or HEARTBREAKING. They just laugh at the absurdity of the word and move on to the next subject.
I’m so tired of being strong. I don’t want to be tough. I’m a total hypocrite and I hate it. I want to be able to take my own advice and let things out but I can’t. I just can’t. I bottle them up and even lied to my Shrink….claiming I’m fine and smiling through a lie, claiming that I don’t let people take advantage of me anymore and that I don’t feel their emotions any longer. But I still do. I still feel their frustration and pain and anger and it’s meshed with my own and I feel everything and it’s getting to the point that I can’t handle it.
I have a boyfriend that I don’t want to complain to. I wish that I could use his shoulder. I wish I could call and cry and not feel guilty or needy. I just want to be emotional and sad and allow him to let me cry. I try but for some reason, I just can’t. I can’t call him in the middle of the night because he’s a very busy individual. I need to let him have his rest and just be the piece of background furniture. I hate that so much! I want to BE important to someone. I want to be someone’s SOMEONE. I want them to WANT me to tell them my problems.
I’m so exhausted right now because of all this. Some days I drive by the airport, tempted beyond belief to just hop onto a plane going ANYWHERE and start all over again. Become a nameless person that can just have a fresh start. I want to be able to forget everything here and just be a loner. Just for a while.
There is so much more that I want to say. But just like everything else in this very long dialogue, I just can’t.
I just can’t.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
That's a long while...
So I realized that it's been like two weeks since I wrote in this blog. dang.
Forget the Dateless in Mesa thing...
Grant and I got back together instead.
He makes me happy.
Inexplicable. Dunno how to describe it at all and that bothers me
I hate not being able to explain myself.
Eloquence is my strong point.
So why Am I at such a loss for words???????
Forget the Dateless in Mesa thing...
Grant and I got back together instead.
He makes me happy.
Inexplicable. Dunno how to describe it at all and that bothers me
I hate not being able to explain myself.
Eloquence is my strong point.
So why Am I at such a loss for words???????
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Figured I'd throw this in for kicks and giggles
| Advanced Global Personality Test Results
|
personality test by similarminds.com
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Just for Schuyler.
This will be removed, lest a few sweet girls see their gifts too soon!!! The green is for Aimee, The Pink is for Sweet Libby, and I have yet to make the Rosey Pink for Sister Tolman. AND if ELDER TOLMAN would flipping tell me whether Jordan Lives with them, I think another scarf will be in order!! lol
Thursday, February 19, 2009
My Plan of Salvation Analogy
So I have been thinking a lot. And I came up with this in Institute a while back and now I have written it down to remember. This is my Uhhh, It's A Rock vs. Yay, I'm a Seed! Analogy. This is how I wrote it down and shared it with a good friend of mine.
Okay. Satan had a plan. It sounded pretty good, right? Well we'd all GET bodies. And we'd all end up back with Heavenly Father (theoretically, of course).
But we wouldn't grow or learn or sin or have any reason for repentance or the Atonement. And what would we be? The same as always.
rocks
Christ. He had such a beautiful plan...
We start out about the same as a rock.
But with Infinite potential. The ability to grow and be nurtured and become a HUGE Redwood.
Some of us might fall onto hard times and turn away from the sunlight. But if we fill our minds and spirits with the Holy Ghost, with the teachings of the Gospel, and turn towards the Sunlight of Christ, we will have infinite potential.
And trees don't just stop at the huge big leafy things with massive trunks either!
Oh, no.
They also produce seeds. which also have infinite potential. They have the ability to become other trees. And by doing so, the first tree, the once very small little seed...can be eternal.
And another thing that I love to liken to the Gospel is that with Plants, sometimes you forget to water or take them out into the sunlight.
And they start to wilt.
But you can almost always revive them. Just like the plants, if we don't feed our spirits, we start to wilt. But unlike plants, which sometimes die after too much time in the dry dark, we always have the opportunity to revive, if we just turn to the Lord.
I love that concept. It really is never too late.
Okay. Satan had a plan. It sounded pretty good, right? Well we'd all GET bodies. And we'd all end up back with Heavenly Father (theoretically, of course).
But we wouldn't grow or learn or sin or have any reason for repentance or the Atonement. And what would we be? The same as always.
rocks
Christ. He had such a beautiful plan...
We start out about the same as a rock.
But with Infinite potential. The ability to grow and be nurtured and become a HUGE Redwood.
Some of us might fall onto hard times and turn away from the sunlight. But if we fill our minds and spirits with the Holy Ghost, with the teachings of the Gospel, and turn towards the Sunlight of Christ, we will have infinite potential.
And trees don't just stop at the huge big leafy things with massive trunks either!
Oh, no.
They also produce seeds. which also have infinite potential. They have the ability to become other trees. And by doing so, the first tree, the once very small little seed...can be eternal.
And another thing that I love to liken to the Gospel is that with Plants, sometimes you forget to water or take them out into the sunlight.
And they start to wilt.
But you can almost always revive them. Just like the plants, if we don't feed our spirits, we start to wilt. But unlike plants, which sometimes die after too much time in the dry dark, we always have the opportunity to revive, if we just turn to the Lord.
I love that concept. It really is never too late.
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
WELL CRAP. First off, whilst typing the title page, I managed to mess up my screen so I can't see the task bar. curse me for managing to do something I can't reverse. DANG IT!
AND second, the reason I decided to post was because, well, I have an issue again. Seems all I ever do is rant and rave but it's what happens.
I have a boyfriend. again. DANG IT!
I realized AFTER saying yes that I don't WANT to be in a relationship. not with him anyway. He's got nothing I want...He doesn't ever want to get married, hates kids, and despises religion. I like him a lot, but he and I are at different places in life. He's smart...INCREDIBLY smart, and has a wonderful sense of humor. I love to just sit next to him and talk. He really LISTENS to me. He tells me everything...bares his soul to me and I love it. It makes me feel so special and needed.
BUT.
He isn't Mormon...not in the least. I have NO problem dating nonmembers. I know I will ONLY marry in the temple, and besides....I'm WAY too young to start thinking marriage just yet. Not only does he not want to ever get married, but he doesn't think it's that important anyway. He'd rather me move in and just be his girlfriend than get married and potentially have a failed marriage. I think that is just about the most stupid thing I've ever heard. He thinks a party and a piece of paper is the definition of a wedding. I wanted to cry when he said that. He's not religious though so how could I explain it? I just changed the subject. It's not like I'd marry him anyway. There are other issues involved that I really don't feel like delving into over the internet. But it still really bothers me and he doesn't seem to get it.
In actuality, I don't want a boyfriend right now. I need to focus on my job right now. I need to prep myself for what's ahead. But I hate to lose his friendship and the companionship we share. I guess it's stupid but I both love and hate being single. Being single means that I can go out on a lot of dates, I can spend time with a lot of people, and I don't have to focus on one person. But it also means that sometimes I just gotta kick it solo. I don't MIND being alone, but I prefer to spend time with people. BUT. When I'm with a guy, I like being called, held, just TALKED to. I love it when people TALK to me. In fact, I love talking, but I love listening even more. I guess I'm still just not ready. But I don't want to hurt him and it would kill me to lose his friendship. =[
aejw;gohye;orifuje;irj'pihet;gowetoauhgz
ANNNND I HATE VALENTINES DAY!!!!! >>>>>--VALENTINE'S DAY---->
AND second, the reason I decided to post was because, well, I have an issue again. Seems all I ever do is rant and rave but it's what happens.
I have a boyfriend. again. DANG IT!
I realized AFTER saying yes that I don't WANT to be in a relationship. not with him anyway. He's got nothing I want...He doesn't ever want to get married, hates kids, and despises religion. I like him a lot, but he and I are at different places in life. He's smart...INCREDIBLY smart, and has a wonderful sense of humor. I love to just sit next to him and talk. He really LISTENS to me. He tells me everything...bares his soul to me and I love it. It makes me feel so special and needed.
BUT.
He isn't Mormon...not in the least. I have NO problem dating nonmembers. I know I will ONLY marry in the temple, and besides....I'm WAY too young to start thinking marriage just yet. Not only does he not want to ever get married, but he doesn't think it's that important anyway. He'd rather me move in and just be his girlfriend than get married and potentially have a failed marriage. I think that is just about the most stupid thing I've ever heard. He thinks a party and a piece of paper is the definition of a wedding. I wanted to cry when he said that. He's not religious though so how could I explain it? I just changed the subject. It's not like I'd marry him anyway. There are other issues involved that I really don't feel like delving into over the internet. But it still really bothers me and he doesn't seem to get it.
In actuality, I don't want a boyfriend right now. I need to focus on my job right now. I need to prep myself for what's ahead. But I hate to lose his friendship and the companionship we share. I guess it's stupid but I both love and hate being single. Being single means that I can go out on a lot of dates, I can spend time with a lot of people, and I don't have to focus on one person. But it also means that sometimes I just gotta kick it solo. I don't MIND being alone, but I prefer to spend time with people. BUT. When I'm with a guy, I like being called, held, just TALKED to. I love it when people TALK to me. In fact, I love talking, but I love listening even more. I guess I'm still just not ready. But I don't want to hurt him and it would kill me to lose his friendship. =[
aejw;gohye;orifuje;irj'pihet;gowetoauhgz
ANNNND I HATE VALENTINES DAY!!!!! >>>>>--VALENTINE'S DAY---->
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
Update time.
-no news on Anthony yet. I have a firm suspicion he's hiding out with a friend somewhere.
-Still no job. Praying things will look up.
-signed up for five institute classes.
-HUGE progress in the whole no dating thing......I'm still GOING on dates, but I have decided that I won't really rush into anything serious any time soon. I need to figure out my own stuff before throwing a guy into the mix.
-I've been trying to pray more. I've noted many things that are going more in my benefit. =]
-guys are freaks.
-OH! Dead serious question here....Did you know that you aren't supposed to ask people if they need rides here?!?!?! It's fine in Tucson (usually) and in Thatcher (nearly always), but not here. I'm WAYYYY too naiive for my own good. =]
-nor are you allowed to walk around the temple at night if you value your life. Apparently it's a rough side of town.
-Still no job. Praying things will look up.
-signed up for five institute classes.
-HUGE progress in the whole no dating thing......I'm still GOING on dates, but I have decided that I won't really rush into anything serious any time soon. I need to figure out my own stuff before throwing a guy into the mix.
-I've been trying to pray more. I've noted many things that are going more in my benefit. =]
-guys are freaks.
-OH! Dead serious question here....Did you know that you aren't supposed to ask people if they need rides here?!?!?! It's fine in Tucson (usually) and in Thatcher (nearly always), but not here. I'm WAYYYY too naiive for my own good. =]
-nor are you allowed to walk around the temple at night if you value your life. Apparently it's a rough side of town.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Who can explain it, who can tell you why?
So this morning, I woke up feeling calm. Then I remembered that Anthony was gone, and I expected that gut wrenching, heart tearing feeling that i experienced when I woke the day after Melina died...For the first few weeks I was afraid of even going to bed because forgetting about it and sleeping meant even greater heartache when i awoke. I readied myself, expecting a wave of grief again. But this time, there was nothing like that. I felt only calm peace. I know that whatever happens, things are going to be okay. I'm still worried sick about it. I'm terrified about what the future may bring, but I know that things are going to turn out right.
Thank you for your prayers! I know that the Lord has a hand in all things and I and my family have felt it in ours in the last day and a half.
Thank you for your prayers! I know that the Lord has a hand in all things and I and my family have felt it in ours in the last day and a half.
Monday, January 19, 2009
Now I'm scared.
I really need you to pray for my family. We're going through a very difficult time now.
My brother ran away today.
His name is Anthony and he's seventeen.
I'm so scared right now....I don't know if he'll be back or when, and I'm so worried about him. I'm trying hard not to let it consume everything, but right now, I'm so frightened and hurt that I can barely think! It's not totally sunk in yet...a part of me feels like he'll come back soon but the most part of me is torn up and screaming because I don't think he'll ever come home. I'm so afraid for him now.
I guess the closest thing I can compare it to is when Melina died. It's different though, because when she died, I knew. Even before I was told, I knew.
Right now, I have no knowledge other than the fact that he is gone. There is a messy, unoccupied room and a bed that might never be slept in again. I think the most difficult part is the unsurity. I'm so scared and it hurts so much!!!
There was a party. I should have just picked him up like I usually do, but this time, Mom got involved.
He was arrested and turned back over to us.
And then he left.
He blamed everything on me. Said that it was my fault he was caught. I know that it isn't, but for some reason I feel at least partially responsible. He needs help. I thought that maybe ratting him out would provide him with the help that he needs. But it didn't do anything! I hate the police sometimes. They don't do anything. They KNEW he was a flight risk. Why couldn't they just hold him overnight or something?! He obviously needs a wake-up call.
I don't know where he is or who he's with, but he can only stay away for so long without being caught.
I just hope that when they do find him, he's still alive.
My brother ran away today.
His name is Anthony and he's seventeen.
I'm so scared right now....I don't know if he'll be back or when, and I'm so worried about him. I'm trying hard not to let it consume everything, but right now, I'm so frightened and hurt that I can barely think! It's not totally sunk in yet...a part of me feels like he'll come back soon but the most part of me is torn up and screaming because I don't think he'll ever come home. I'm so afraid for him now.
I guess the closest thing I can compare it to is when Melina died. It's different though, because when she died, I knew. Even before I was told, I knew.
Right now, I have no knowledge other than the fact that he is gone. There is a messy, unoccupied room and a bed that might never be slept in again. I think the most difficult part is the unsurity. I'm so scared and it hurts so much!!!
There was a party. I should have just picked him up like I usually do, but this time, Mom got involved.
He was arrested and turned back over to us.
And then he left.
He blamed everything on me. Said that it was my fault he was caught. I know that it isn't, but for some reason I feel at least partially responsible. He needs help. I thought that maybe ratting him out would provide him with the help that he needs. But it didn't do anything! I hate the police sometimes. They don't do anything. They KNEW he was a flight risk. Why couldn't they just hold him overnight or something?! He obviously needs a wake-up call.
I don't know where he is or who he's with, but he can only stay away for so long without being caught.
I just hope that when they do find him, he's still alive.
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
INTENSE FRUSTRATION IS MINE!!!
NEVERMIND!
EVERYTHING IS FIXED!
orrrrr thereabouts.
Still got a few bugs to work out.
But i think we'll be okay
=] resolution is so sweet!!
EVERYTHING IS FIXED!
orrrrr thereabouts.
Still got a few bugs to work out.
But i think we'll be okay
=] resolution is so sweet!!
Monday, January 5, 2009
Welllll
Hm.
That didn't turn out the way I had planned!
More details to follow eventually.
AND
I have never realized how blessed I am to have such wonderful friends. I am grateful beyond explanation for the people the Lord has brought into my life in varying ways. Some of them are pretty wonky ways but all the friends that I have are significant and bring something to my life that is irreplaceable.
I love you guys!
That didn't turn out the way I had planned!
More details to follow eventually.
AND
I have never realized how blessed I am to have such wonderful friends. I am grateful beyond explanation for the people the Lord has brought into my life in varying ways. Some of them are pretty wonky ways but all the friends that I have are significant and bring something to my life that is irreplaceable.
I love you guys!
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