Well I haven't written in quite a while. Things are going very well. I have a new job...Ultimately, it's the same job I had before, except with more hours, a little less pay, better people, and a lot more fun.
I'm going to brag for just a few seconds....
I've done astonishingly well for the last week.
Our percentages are meant to be VERRRY low. I guess it's the work accomplished to time spent accomplishing said work ratio or something similar. Production rate I suppose.
thirty is average.
Twenty is exceptional and people rarely make that low.
In the last week, I got 17.87 which is unheard of.
It was good both for my ego and for the guys who were slacking a little, because they worked extra hard, if not just to beat me. Yesterday, we did VERY well. I think I did seventeen or eighteen surveys, if not more. They were a blast. I love days that just zoom by because I am so busy!!!
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Saturday, March 21, 2009
NUMERO SIXTY!
So since this is the sixtieth blog, I figured that I would write sixty things about the Mayralicious that we all know and love.
1. I know that i am a daughter of Heavenly Father. He loves me and I am blessed. I have been given so many talents and I am trying hard to utilize them.
2. I love to sing. I love music and singing and the joy that it brings to me.
3. I actually stopped singing for almost two years and it was TERRIBLE. But I think that i needed it to realize just how important it is to my life.
4. I want to be in college SOOOO badly right now. I wasted a whole semester and I kick myself every time I hear about people that are in college.
5. I love to write in journals but I procrastinate and don't get around to it.
6. I also LOVE to write letters. At one time, I had pen pals in three states and four different countries.
7. I love receiving letters almost more than sending them out.
8. I love my family a whole bunch...even though we fight, we're messy and loud, and my neighbor down the street once commented that he wasn't sure just how many people REALLY were living there because he'd seen about thirty people or so that were "re-occuring Characters" in our crazy lives.
9. I'm adopted. Sometimes I wonder about my birth family but then I remember how great my REAL family is and I'm totally happy with what I've been given =]
10. I want to find a fairy-tale romance, but I would HATE to be a wimpy princess. Snow white?! SLEPT. Sleeping Beauty? Self-explanatory. Even Cinderella had someone take care of her. I'd rather be like Mulan or Pocahontas.
11. I want to be married in the Temple and I will settle for nothing less.
12. I'm pretty self-conscious at times but I know that I'm pretty most days so it's all good. I also try to be as friendly and awesome as possible. That makes up for all the things I'm insecure about.
13. I LOOOOOVE to help people.
14. I ABSOLUTELY ADORE setting up couples. Call me Hitch. Or Yenta! Right? Of Course Right!!
15. I love to laugh and I try to keep humor alive. Nearly everything can be helped a little with humor.
16. I want a dog VERY badly.
17. I'm addicted to caffeine, texting, and my computer.
18. I love to do crafts....Crochet, painting, even coloring with Crayons.
19. I love making lists.
20. I use the word Love waaaaayyy too often.
21. I discovered that I am allergic to dust. Dang.
22. I secretly adore cleaning.
23. But I HATE doing laundry!!!!
24. I write about really deep stuff and then get nervous because of how deep it is so I start talking about cats.
25. I'm a voracious reader.
26. I have workaholic tendencies so I try to be verrrry careful. I can literally make myself sick from over-working myself.
27. Secretly, I'm still a little bit afraid of Eggs....and fish.
28. I'm not afraid of much else. Which is ridiculous.
29. I want to be a mommy really badly....and then I hear all the REALLY whiny kids misbehaving in the mall or Wal*Mart and two things go through my head....One, I'm SOOOO grateful that my Mom was very strict and never allowed temper tantrums in public, and two, "Wow I'm glad I don't have kids yet!!!"
30. MY mother is the best in the whole world. Just so you know.
31. I wanted to Marry the most patient guy in the world, but there are two that I know that are competing for the same spot and they're both taken...My dad, and My Grandpa Halcomb, who is BY FAR the most patient person I've ever met in my LIFE!!!
32. I have RSS. Which is a self-diagnosed illness that is properly called Restless Soul Syndrome. It means that I've got to move around because I'm a glove and my Spirit goes crazy at night if I stay still for too long. I have to be walking or pacing or driving. I have a whole vignette about it but it's too lengthy to go into here.
33. I LOVE to write. I write poetry and short vignettes and I want to be a REAL writer someday.
34. I'm almost nineteen and I still really haven't made a concrete decision as to what I want to do with my life.
35. I have a job that drives me up the wall.
36. My favorite smells are: Freshly baked bread (especially Gingerbread!!), Arizona Rains, Men's Cologne (when worn in small doses), and for some odd reason, Gasoline.
37. My favorite colors are Green, purple, and Blue.
38. I know that most people HATE living in an apartment, but I REALLY want to live in one. I'm sure I'll feel differently when I actually do live in one, but I LOVED the dorms.
39. I have my whole life planned out and it's really funny cuz I write out a "Life Plan" about once a year and I go back and read them and almost die laughing. Every single time, I have a different opinion about who I want to marry.
40. I adore going on dates.
41. It always impresses me when a guy asks me out or for my number. That takes guts. Even if I'm not terribly interested, I almost always say yes because I really admire their bravery. That sounds sorta vain....wait....
42. It also really impresses me when a guy goes out of his way to do something interesting or different for a date or for asking for one.
43. I've been proposed to WAAAYYY too many times. But when the Right Guy asks me, I'll tell him I said no to all the others because I just KNEW that he would be coming.
44. I'm secretly terrified that I may never get married. I know it's an illogical fear. But I'm still afraid.
45. I love watching spooky movies...Especially old ones. The newer ones are either too gory or they throw in a lot of immorality.
46. I get distracted VERY easily.
47. I want to be a better Scrapbooker but I don't have the time, money, or Materials.
48. I LOVE making blankets for other people.
49. I push the snooze button about eight times, so I have to set my alarm like an hour and a half earlier than I really need to get up.
50. I take a LOT of pictures, but I'm not a very photogenic person in my opinion.
51. To compensate for that lack of photogenicity(is that a word?!), I take a LOT of goofy pictures.
52. I know next to nothing about taxes and I worry about having to deal with them every year for the rest of my life.
53. I realized that I am an adult...and it sorta scared me.
54. My friends are the best! They mean the whole world to me, and I would do ANYTHING for them!!
55. I have NO inhibitions about going up to people and introducing myself. That could probably get me into trouble someday.
56. I LOVE pickles!
57. I've started working out and it's difficult but I'm already seeing results!!
58. I act very goofy and ditzy, but I am a very intelligent person. I have been blessed with a sound and good mind and the ability to learn. And I am SO grateful for that.
59. I'm a very bubbly, warm person and as much as I talk, I'm also a WONDERFUL listener. And I give pretty good advice too.
60. I actually really enjoyed doing this!! You should write sixty things about yourself too!!!!
<3 <3 <3 Mayralicious!!!!
1. I know that i am a daughter of Heavenly Father. He loves me and I am blessed. I have been given so many talents and I am trying hard to utilize them.
2. I love to sing. I love music and singing and the joy that it brings to me.
3. I actually stopped singing for almost two years and it was TERRIBLE. But I think that i needed it to realize just how important it is to my life.
4. I want to be in college SOOOO badly right now. I wasted a whole semester and I kick myself every time I hear about people that are in college.
5. I love to write in journals but I procrastinate and don't get around to it.
6. I also LOVE to write letters. At one time, I had pen pals in three states and four different countries.
7. I love receiving letters almost more than sending them out.
8. I love my family a whole bunch...even though we fight, we're messy and loud, and my neighbor down the street once commented that he wasn't sure just how many people REALLY were living there because he'd seen about thirty people or so that were "re-occuring Characters" in our crazy lives.
9. I'm adopted. Sometimes I wonder about my birth family but then I remember how great my REAL family is and I'm totally happy with what I've been given =]
10. I want to find a fairy-tale romance, but I would HATE to be a wimpy princess. Snow white?! SLEPT. Sleeping Beauty? Self-explanatory. Even Cinderella had someone take care of her. I'd rather be like Mulan or Pocahontas.
11. I want to be married in the Temple and I will settle for nothing less.
12. I'm pretty self-conscious at times but I know that I'm pretty most days so it's all good. I also try to be as friendly and awesome as possible. That makes up for all the things I'm insecure about.
13. I LOOOOOVE to help people.
14. I ABSOLUTELY ADORE setting up couples. Call me Hitch. Or Yenta! Right? Of Course Right!!
15. I love to laugh and I try to keep humor alive. Nearly everything can be helped a little with humor.
16. I want a dog VERY badly.
17. I'm addicted to caffeine, texting, and my computer.
18. I love to do crafts....Crochet, painting, even coloring with Crayons.
19. I love making lists.
20. I use the word Love waaaaayyy too often.
21. I discovered that I am allergic to dust. Dang.
22. I secretly adore cleaning.
23. But I HATE doing laundry!!!!
24. I write about really deep stuff and then get nervous because of how deep it is so I start talking about cats.
25. I'm a voracious reader.
26. I have workaholic tendencies so I try to be verrrry careful. I can literally make myself sick from over-working myself.
27. Secretly, I'm still a little bit afraid of Eggs....and fish.
28. I'm not afraid of much else. Which is ridiculous.
29. I want to be a mommy really badly....and then I hear all the REALLY whiny kids misbehaving in the mall or Wal*Mart and two things go through my head....One, I'm SOOOO grateful that my Mom was very strict and never allowed temper tantrums in public, and two, "Wow I'm glad I don't have kids yet!!!"
30. MY mother is the best in the whole world. Just so you know.
31. I wanted to Marry the most patient guy in the world, but there are two that I know that are competing for the same spot and they're both taken...My dad, and My Grandpa Halcomb, who is BY FAR the most patient person I've ever met in my LIFE!!!
32. I have RSS. Which is a self-diagnosed illness that is properly called Restless Soul Syndrome. It means that I've got to move around because I'm a glove and my Spirit goes crazy at night if I stay still for too long. I have to be walking or pacing or driving. I have a whole vignette about it but it's too lengthy to go into here.
33. I LOVE to write. I write poetry and short vignettes and I want to be a REAL writer someday.
34. I'm almost nineteen and I still really haven't made a concrete decision as to what I want to do with my life.
35. I have a job that drives me up the wall.
36. My favorite smells are: Freshly baked bread (especially Gingerbread!!), Arizona Rains, Men's Cologne (when worn in small doses), and for some odd reason, Gasoline.
37. My favorite colors are Green, purple, and Blue.
38. I know that most people HATE living in an apartment, but I REALLY want to live in one. I'm sure I'll feel differently when I actually do live in one, but I LOVED the dorms.
39. I have my whole life planned out and it's really funny cuz I write out a "Life Plan" about once a year and I go back and read them and almost die laughing. Every single time, I have a different opinion about who I want to marry.
40. I adore going on dates.
41. It always impresses me when a guy asks me out or for my number. That takes guts. Even if I'm not terribly interested, I almost always say yes because I really admire their bravery. That sounds sorta vain....wait....
42. It also really impresses me when a guy goes out of his way to do something interesting or different for a date or for asking for one.
43. I've been proposed to WAAAYYY too many times. But when the Right Guy asks me, I'll tell him I said no to all the others because I just KNEW that he would be coming.
44. I'm secretly terrified that I may never get married. I know it's an illogical fear. But I'm still afraid.
45. I love watching spooky movies...Especially old ones. The newer ones are either too gory or they throw in a lot of immorality.
46. I get distracted VERY easily.
47. I want to be a better Scrapbooker but I don't have the time, money, or Materials.
48. I LOVE making blankets for other people.
49. I push the snooze button about eight times, so I have to set my alarm like an hour and a half earlier than I really need to get up.
50. I take a LOT of pictures, but I'm not a very photogenic person in my opinion.
51. To compensate for that lack of photogenicity(is that a word?!), I take a LOT of goofy pictures.
52. I know next to nothing about taxes and I worry about having to deal with them every year for the rest of my life.
53. I realized that I am an adult...and it sorta scared me.
54. My friends are the best! They mean the whole world to me, and I would do ANYTHING for them!!
55. I have NO inhibitions about going up to people and introducing myself. That could probably get me into trouble someday.
56. I LOVE pickles!
57. I've started working out and it's difficult but I'm already seeing results!!
58. I act very goofy and ditzy, but I am a very intelligent person. I have been blessed with a sound and good mind and the ability to learn. And I am SO grateful for that.
59. I'm a very bubbly, warm person and as much as I talk, I'm also a WONDERFUL listener. And I give pretty good advice too.
60. I actually really enjoyed doing this!! You should write sixty things about yourself too!!!!
<3 <3 <3 Mayralicious!!!!
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Incredibly long. Terribly honest. And totally painful.
I CONSTANTLY feel like an annoyance to people. It’s disgusting that I spend the majority of my time solving EVERYONE ELSE’S problems, and when I need someone, they’re all too busy or don’t feel like listening to me. I feel like a waste of time to them. But as SOON as they need someone, I allow myself to be used over and over again.
Why Can’t I just say no? Why can’t I just let them deal with it on their own?! I call, upset, and trying to vent, and I get an earful of their problems or I get dismissed, because they are “Too Busy” right now. Once…Just once I would LOVE to do that to someone and not feel guilty. Just once I would LOVE to say, “Sorry, I’m far too busy right now to listen to you bitch and bellyache,” and then hang up. I’d LOVE to return the favor that nearly all of them have bestowed upon me.
I spent countless hours during college in the hospital with ill friends. I don’t mind. Really I don’t. But I came to the realization the other night that were I to get hurt or become seriously ill that nobody would return the favor. No one would go out of their way to spend the night with ME in the hospital so that I won’t have to be alone. No one would bring balloons or sneak ME salt. I hate being the person that everyone comes to for resolution. I despise it sometimes.
I have had countless people cry on my shoulders. I have lifted them, encouraged them, argued and suggested and complimented and helped. I have allowed them to just cry. I tell them that it’s good to let it out and cry. There isn’t a need to be tough. Go ahead and do it. And they do. They wail and weep and mourn and I mourn with them. I take their problems onto myself and push my own back into a corner, one that is slowly spreading out and filling my entire mind. Just once, I would LOVE to be the one that falls apart. I want to be the one that is crying and being held and comforted. I want to have someone tell ME that it’s all right to cry. I don’t need to be tough.
I have woken up so many times in the middle of the night to answer my phone. I work to ebb their pains and allow them a salve that I KNOW would not be offered to me. I answer, trying to disguise my sleepiness and struggle to stay awake and solve their problems. I listen to them, offer advice, and let them take away from the sleep that my body craves. Just once I would LOVE to be able to call someone in anguish and have them listen to me, offer me a balm for my wounded heart, and try their best to help me fix my problems.
I have given people my lap…It’s a silly thing that I do where a friend sits on my lap or puts a leg onto my lap and I focus everything on them. I let them sit there and vent. Rub their arms, hold their hands and hug them, letting them know that they are loved and important and that I am there for them. And JUST ONCE I want to sit on someone else’s lap. I want to feel their hands on my shoulder, I want to feel them hold MY hands and let me rest my head on their shoulder and wet their shirts with my tears. I want to be able to just let down every single wall that I have built up…I have more layers around my heart than the earth itself has. I have built up so many walls that they’ve become impregnable…nothing goes out anymore. I have knocked down other’s walls. Brought them back to emotion and helped them to feel again. I want to be able to have someone that I don’t have to be afraid of. I want someone to knock down MY walls and tenderly show me that things will be okay.
But no one ever has. I don’t cry on people’s shoulders. I don’t call them in the middle of the night. I don’t sit on their laps or let them touch my walls. I don’t vent or cry or weep. I bite my lip, swallow my tears, and keep shoving those issues back into the corner. I feel like I’m falling apart inside. I feel like my whole life is one big joke, and all I can do is smile and be politically correct when others ask how I am. “Oh, just fine. I’m epic.” What a laugh. I stopped saying ‘good’ and started saying ‘epic’ when I knew that it was an easy way to be honest without making people uncomfortable. I don’t have to tell people that Epic means AWFUL or TERRIBLE or HEARTBREAKING. They just laugh at the absurdity of the word and move on to the next subject.
I’m so tired of being strong. I don’t want to be tough. I’m a total hypocrite and I hate it. I want to be able to take my own advice and let things out but I can’t. I just can’t. I bottle them up and even lied to my Shrink….claiming I’m fine and smiling through a lie, claiming that I don’t let people take advantage of me anymore and that I don’t feel their emotions any longer. But I still do. I still feel their frustration and pain and anger and it’s meshed with my own and I feel everything and it’s getting to the point that I can’t handle it.
I have a boyfriend that I don’t want to complain to. I wish that I could use his shoulder. I wish I could call and cry and not feel guilty or needy. I just want to be emotional and sad and allow him to let me cry. I try but for some reason, I just can’t. I can’t call him in the middle of the night because he’s a very busy individual. I need to let him have his rest and just be the piece of background furniture. I hate that so much! I want to BE important to someone. I want to be someone’s SOMEONE. I want them to WANT me to tell them my problems.
I’m so exhausted right now because of all this. Some days I drive by the airport, tempted beyond belief to just hop onto a plane going ANYWHERE and start all over again. Become a nameless person that can just have a fresh start. I want to be able to forget everything here and just be a loner. Just for a while.
There is so much more that I want to say. But just like everything else in this very long dialogue, I just can’t.
I just can’t.
Why Can’t I just say no? Why can’t I just let them deal with it on their own?! I call, upset, and trying to vent, and I get an earful of their problems or I get dismissed, because they are “Too Busy” right now. Once…Just once I would LOVE to do that to someone and not feel guilty. Just once I would LOVE to say, “Sorry, I’m far too busy right now to listen to you bitch and bellyache,” and then hang up. I’d LOVE to return the favor that nearly all of them have bestowed upon me.
I spent countless hours during college in the hospital with ill friends. I don’t mind. Really I don’t. But I came to the realization the other night that were I to get hurt or become seriously ill that nobody would return the favor. No one would go out of their way to spend the night with ME in the hospital so that I won’t have to be alone. No one would bring balloons or sneak ME salt. I hate being the person that everyone comes to for resolution. I despise it sometimes.
I have had countless people cry on my shoulders. I have lifted them, encouraged them, argued and suggested and complimented and helped. I have allowed them to just cry. I tell them that it’s good to let it out and cry. There isn’t a need to be tough. Go ahead and do it. And they do. They wail and weep and mourn and I mourn with them. I take their problems onto myself and push my own back into a corner, one that is slowly spreading out and filling my entire mind. Just once, I would LOVE to be the one that falls apart. I want to be the one that is crying and being held and comforted. I want to have someone tell ME that it’s all right to cry. I don’t need to be tough.
I have woken up so many times in the middle of the night to answer my phone. I work to ebb their pains and allow them a salve that I KNOW would not be offered to me. I answer, trying to disguise my sleepiness and struggle to stay awake and solve their problems. I listen to them, offer advice, and let them take away from the sleep that my body craves. Just once I would LOVE to be able to call someone in anguish and have them listen to me, offer me a balm for my wounded heart, and try their best to help me fix my problems.
I have given people my lap…It’s a silly thing that I do where a friend sits on my lap or puts a leg onto my lap and I focus everything on them. I let them sit there and vent. Rub their arms, hold their hands and hug them, letting them know that they are loved and important and that I am there for them. And JUST ONCE I want to sit on someone else’s lap. I want to feel their hands on my shoulder, I want to feel them hold MY hands and let me rest my head on their shoulder and wet their shirts with my tears. I want to be able to just let down every single wall that I have built up…I have more layers around my heart than the earth itself has. I have built up so many walls that they’ve become impregnable…nothing goes out anymore. I have knocked down other’s walls. Brought them back to emotion and helped them to feel again. I want to be able to have someone that I don’t have to be afraid of. I want someone to knock down MY walls and tenderly show me that things will be okay.
But no one ever has. I don’t cry on people’s shoulders. I don’t call them in the middle of the night. I don’t sit on their laps or let them touch my walls. I don’t vent or cry or weep. I bite my lip, swallow my tears, and keep shoving those issues back into the corner. I feel like I’m falling apart inside. I feel like my whole life is one big joke, and all I can do is smile and be politically correct when others ask how I am. “Oh, just fine. I’m epic.” What a laugh. I stopped saying ‘good’ and started saying ‘epic’ when I knew that it was an easy way to be honest without making people uncomfortable. I don’t have to tell people that Epic means AWFUL or TERRIBLE or HEARTBREAKING. They just laugh at the absurdity of the word and move on to the next subject.
I’m so tired of being strong. I don’t want to be tough. I’m a total hypocrite and I hate it. I want to be able to take my own advice and let things out but I can’t. I just can’t. I bottle them up and even lied to my Shrink….claiming I’m fine and smiling through a lie, claiming that I don’t let people take advantage of me anymore and that I don’t feel their emotions any longer. But I still do. I still feel their frustration and pain and anger and it’s meshed with my own and I feel everything and it’s getting to the point that I can’t handle it.
I have a boyfriend that I don’t want to complain to. I wish that I could use his shoulder. I wish I could call and cry and not feel guilty or needy. I just want to be emotional and sad and allow him to let me cry. I try but for some reason, I just can’t. I can’t call him in the middle of the night because he’s a very busy individual. I need to let him have his rest and just be the piece of background furniture. I hate that so much! I want to BE important to someone. I want to be someone’s SOMEONE. I want them to WANT me to tell them my problems.
I’m so exhausted right now because of all this. Some days I drive by the airport, tempted beyond belief to just hop onto a plane going ANYWHERE and start all over again. Become a nameless person that can just have a fresh start. I want to be able to forget everything here and just be a loner. Just for a while.
There is so much more that I want to say. But just like everything else in this very long dialogue, I just can’t.
I just can’t.
Tuesday, March 17, 2009
That's a long while...
So I realized that it's been like two weeks since I wrote in this blog. dang.
Forget the Dateless in Mesa thing...
Grant and I got back together instead.
He makes me happy.
Inexplicable. Dunno how to describe it at all and that bothers me
I hate not being able to explain myself.
Eloquence is my strong point.
So why Am I at such a loss for words???????
Forget the Dateless in Mesa thing...
Grant and I got back together instead.
He makes me happy.
Inexplicable. Dunno how to describe it at all and that bothers me
I hate not being able to explain myself.
Eloquence is my strong point.
So why Am I at such a loss for words???????
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Figured I'd throw this in for kicks and giggles
| Advanced Global Personality Test Results
|
personality test by similarminds.com
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
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