soooooo

I had a reallllly scary dream about Chris...
FIRST OFF, Last night we had a bit of a falling out and I went to bed still angry with him. he said he'd call me and he never did and we'd already been upset with each other, me because he didn't come to my concert (that in itself was fine. It was just hard because I was really excited about seeing him. And for the final program, nobody came to see me at all. It sounds very selfish of me, but it hurts when you're the only person in the entire choir program that didn't have anyone come to the concert to see me. for not one, but TWO concerts. Thursday, a lot of my friends came A lot of my friends came, which I am very grateful for, but the fact that my parents or family didn't come was pretty hard to swallow. Chris is pretty much still one of my closest friends and I'm VERY much still in love with him.)
I came home and my mom handed me the phone, saying that someone wanted to talk to me. i said hello and someone on the other side said that Chris had died. I asked who it was and they wouldn't tell me. just that he had died.
I called his brother (which is strange because i don't even have his number) and he said that I had made him sick because we had argued and then he told me that Chris had died from exactly the same thing that Melina had...And that it was my fault...again. that it was my fault because fighting with him had made him sick. but this time i KNEW it really was. I was so freaked out but i didn't believe him so i turned on the TV and the news was talking about him dying and showed lots of pictures of him. I kept trying over and over to call him but his phone wasn't working and i was so frightened that I guess I woke up screaming
My poor roommate. she's got such patience. I was so scared. I called my father to cry about a bad dream. I still need my daddy. I also called Chris, and we talked a little bit and he was pretty worried about me but I'm fine knowing that he's all right.
I guess that It's all good. I was just freaked out. I guess that means that i'm still in love with Chris and i guess i may still not be over Melina's death.