Happy birthday to me....,

Well.
I'm too darn lazy to actually give you a step-by-step account of the blessed Lesbian Tuesday, but It was interesting to say the least.
My best friend Aubri was...well just a great bestie.
And my sweetheart, Andrew Jacob Baker....amazing. As Always.

It's been quite a while, hasn't it?

In less than a week, I will be twenty.
Melina was twenty when she died.
I have dreaded this age.
No more teen years.
No more claiming that I'm just a kid.
I'll be her age. My big sister, the one who was so old, who knew exactly what she was doing in life...the one who was so mature and ready for life, is going to someday be younger than me.
That scares me. I don't like it at all.
I'm going to be an old woman and still think of Melina as older than me.
She'd have been twenty-eight this year.
I always think about how much I would have done differently had she lived,
but in reality, I think I still would've taken her for granted.
I don't talk to most of my siblings as it is.
In fact, I haven't seen a couple of them in months.
I don't want to be twenty. I'll settle for thirteen again.
Hell, I'll even take my twelfth birthday again.
Andrew's such a sweetheart.
He's taking me to Tucson even though Mom and Dad despise him. He won't even go inside because they won't allow him in the house. He loves me so much that he's willing to do that for me. Drop me off at my doorstep and leave. What a perfect boyfriend. I feel so terrible that my mother won't even let him come inside. I don't think she's being fair at all, and I think that if she just gave him a second chance that she could see what I see in him.
I love him so much.
He brings me a lot of happiness. We're best friends.
So why do I feel empty today?